Ugh. It’s a classic case of two steps forward, one step back. Progress that doesn’t feel like progress. Every time I fix one problem, another one is combed down and I’m spiraling. Writing the stupid novel was the easy part. Even revisions. Even the maaany moments when I didn’t think my characters would ever cooperate. All the angsts were just mini-angsts in preparation for The Big Boss Angst. The one where control is being snatched in your hands and being shoved at people who don’t give a crap. I’ve been spoiled by amazing betas and readers, and I knew I was going to crash back down to reality and I thought I was prepared for it.
Not even slightly.
And I haven’t even started querying yet.
I have no patience and I’m a complete control freak and if I’m not happy I like to fix it and when it’s dependent on other people, I can’t. And I hate it.
I need to be better than this. I can only do my best, and I need to keep doing that and keep staying busy as I wait. I cannot let this get to me and, most importantly, I cannot lose faith in my novel. Even if it isn’t The One, I gave it my all and it’s something I can be proud of. It has the best chance I can give it (if I can wrangle this damned query letter) and if that isn’t enough, there will be more novels. Endless novels. I will not be stalled; I will not be stopped. I must be stronger than this!! I know I have a lot of rejection in my near future, and I really need to genuinely come to terms with that and understand that that’s okay.
Also Thursdays suck.
Everything just feels way too big.